Cold Nostalgia

6f78e67723857a7a3446ac9d99a3414c[1].jpgI step out the door into the frost
Walk once more to the fountain of loss.
Memories haunt every corner on the way
Hiding in these trees that the wind would sway

Against the grey clouds and white sky
I can’t help but let my imagination sigh.
I’m walking through an Autumn tunnel
And standing in a wet winter puddle

To the left is my third school
Desolation brings a breeze cold; not cool.
The grounds; abandoned. The gates; locked.
But my memories would have this scene mocked

I see children, wearing the blue of the day
Laughing and running their childhood away
A rather stark contrast to this black I wear now
I still smile to see a uniform as I glance down

I’m at a cross in the road covered by leaves
On the right is a place for someone who believes
To my left leads another tunnel of trees
But the evergreen conceals darker memories;

An image of friendship confronts my eyes
Friendship caught in a walking web of lies
It disappears into the darkness and distance
Leaving behind loyalty, trust and innocence.

I bend to pick up these pieces of past
Why is it that these virtues never last?
Why did friendship have to walk behind
Lust embracing a love of my mind?

I drop the naive back on the pavement
Ignorance shatters and secures my only repayment
I’m walking on without looking behind
For if I did… I wonder what I would find.

I lived in that house. I know this road.
Still the same lawn; ever un-mowed.
There’s the park where I used to fly
On swings so high you could touch the sky.

I look to the other side of the street
To see three who “by coincidence” did meet
Smiles, laughter and completely alive
I blink and let the image die

Onwards, to the fountain, I’m almost there
This is the big one for which I prepared.
A circle of significance, clock of no time
This hunk of metal hides meaning behind grime

The image is so strong this time around
That my whole body lifts itself off the ground
And I find myself walking through twilight rain
To the overflowing fountain from a train.

The path is deserted; Everyone has found cover
Alone I am walking, but wait, there’s another
A beautiful girl radiating red sunshine
Confronted with her, the weather seems fine

She smiles, walking towards me with arms extended
I walk towards her feeling as if time had just ended
We fall into each other and on the spot embrace
While the freezing rain falls; soaking her smiling face

But we don’t mind. Just stand still, holding on
Once over this moment will be forever gone
I close my eyes and enter a void of bliss
The world’s best kiss doesn’t compare with this

I can feel a cold wind licking my cheek
The amazing feeling begins to grow weak.
I wake up to find the sky still grey
Still that same dreary winters-mid-day

Memories can bend a chain but not break one
To break a chain requires something more of a gun.
With that in mind I turn, walk and climb
Find the glass bridge and recall a crime.

Lust’s lying spider smiles as he holds close a close friend
I wish to ignore what I saw, but can’t even pretend.
She stood still while with most gentle caress
The damned deadly Demon her beautiful body did undress.

I’m watching my memory be murdered once more
The past includes images that strike at my core.
Trust turned to lust while loyalty and love were just lies;
Nothing of this nostalgia retains purity to my eyes.

Time to learn, turn and leave this place
Walk back, wipe the rain from my face
Back through Hornsby, Normanhurst and Wahroonga;
Through the lies and lost love. What cold nostalgia.

Alex Herlihy – 2010

One Day

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Dawn was when I encountered a light
And turned my gaze to the rising sun
And paused to ponder my painful plight
And fought my own thoughts on what is right
While loading the light into my gun.

Noon brought me rumours from which to run
But I stood tall and let my fear fly
This was a scheme of pure perfection
For after my bloody job was done
I would be the only one to cry

Dusk demonstrated that secrets die
There’s no poker-face I can not tear
I’d caught the soul of he who would fry
Twas time for fists rather than my eye
And the final moment to prepare

Night without stars is eclipse most rare
And so startled was I at the sight
Dropping aim from the man in the chair
I again asked myself what is fair
Dawn, Noon, Dusk, Night; One day, fight or flight?

Alex Herlihy – 2010

The Riddle of the Universe

space-960x460[1].jpgI sublimate all that I hear, smell and feel.
Savour that taste which I see is not real,
Believe that by this, it all comes together
As Identity for now and forever.
The choices I make, the best I can be,
Both to myself and society,
Life, the universe and all are the same,
For I have met God, and absurd is his name.

And now my head is spinning round;
I fly up only to come plummeting down.
For the final Zenith of Absurdity
Is only a proud ode to Insanity.
As I fall under the gaze of eternity
I look back, and there’s nothing to see
Where is the truth? The Light? The life?
I’m cornered by sin, surrounded by strife

To dive down into deepest despair
Nothing makes sense, I’m gasping for air
Pulled down by my pride

A bible story
A man in the desert, Tempted by Satan
What does it mean?

Faith

Alex Herlihy – 2014

The need to be long.

71ge+Y1jsWL._SL1264_[1].jpgJimmy was a giraffe.
The other giraffes weren’t very nice to Jimmy because Jimmy didn’t have a long neck like the rest of them.
They teased Jimmy and called him names, like “Chode”, “Short stuff” and “n00b-neck”.
One day Jimmy was being beaten up by the other giraffes and having a cry, when all of a sudden a redhead appeared from the clouds and descended from heaven, only to immediately return as she had heavenly duties to attend to (God needs his morning paper you know)
Jimmy sniffed and wandered away into the desert, where he ran into Rozencrantz and Frank Einstien personified as some loveable Disney characters.
They all sung a song and danced happily around, frolicking and laughing as they flew off into the sunset.
The other giraffes, seeing as they had long necks, could see everything that was happening and didn’t liked it. They called upon his highness sir Santa Claus and said “Right, see here old chap! We’ve got the accent, you’ve got the power” Santa claus laughed, and his beer-gut wobbled like jelly. “Say no more my good friends”
And so Santa jumped in his humvee and whipped his reindeer until they made a revving noise that sounded sufficiently hardcore. He slammed down the hammer and did a massive burn out while leaning out the window, wacking on some shades and going “Oh yeah
And santa clause was never seen again in that part of the world.
Meanwhile, Jimmy had not been procrastinating, he had been working out. Hard. He returned to the tribe with abs that shone gold, well-hung and with a neck that could split any giraffette in half. The female giraffes loved Jimmy and his neck, Jimmy got some, and everyone lived happily every after.
And whenever Jimmy was asked what was the secret to success he always replied “You gotta be long brother. You gotta be loooooong.”

Alex Herlihy – 2010

Loyalty

2016-01-04-1451947020-1057181-Betrayal4edde75f206fe-thumb[1].jpgI will fight for you
Because you are my friend
If anyone tries to hurt you
I’ll be there to defend

It sickens me to see how sad you are
Come into my world, be brave, don’t fret.
They defame you while we watch from afar
But I’ll stand up for you, never forget.

Why did I bother?

I will not fight you
I value you more than that

Why do you fight me
I thought you were a friend
After all my trust and loyalty
Is this how it’s going to end?

It sickens me to hear how happy you are
You show no signs of guilt or regret
and defame me while I watch from afar
So am I a friend, or did you forget?

Or maybe you never cared anyway

get out of my life
get out of my life
get out of my life
get out of my head
I want you dead.

Alex Herlihy – 2010

Confessions

failure-edited[1].jpgYou do… do you?

Oh god how much hurt a lie can do
My mind was torn everytime I spoke those words
“No, I don’t love you”

What I meant was “I can’t love you”
It was said with a sense of paradox too
Because it was exactly what I wanted to do.

Exactly what I ‘needed’ to do
In order to extract the key to your heart
And allow me to love you.

Alright alright alright yes I loved you
I had to hide it and it hurt
But what else was I to do?

You flew from those with love on their; “To do”
But I wouldn’t have that be me
Oh no… oh no damn you.

At first it seemed to work with you
I still uncovered your feelings
But fixing them I was not in a position to do

Yet there was nothing I wanted more to do!
Oh God knows I wanted to
God knows I tried to help you

You love me too do you?
I was so sure…
Really? Really? You do?

You do? Do you? You do?
I remember you, do you remember me?
Do you? You do? Do you?

You don’t… Do you.

Alex Herlihy – 2010

Windows

window-size[1].jpgIn the room of our mind there lives in each of us a third eye: The “Mind’s eye”. With this eye there are four windows through which we can gaze at reality: Knowledge, Belief, Understanding and Wisdom.

Pure knowledge is nothing. We can know nothing. It is demonstrated by its’ owner in sentences full of contradiction and confusion. It is held by an orphan whose only inheritance is a Latin Bible and the last words of their parent expressing the opinion that there is nothing more important in life than to follow those unreadable words.
The window of knowledge is covered in dirt and does not allow any light to pass through its’ glass. Our perception of reality is not widened by looking through it because it may as well be a wall.

The orphan can take the dying message to heart, in which case the knowledge has become belief. The orphan does not really comprehend it, but will invest all their trust in its’ truthfulness. Belief is everything, and it is often confused with knowledge. We can know nothing, but believe anything. Everything we think we know is only strong belief. Belief is the axiom. Knowledge is the theorem. Belief is the idea that we breath air, that the sky is blue, that the earth is round, that there is a God, that we have eleven fingers, that one and one make two, that blood is green, that all physical things consist of tiny little particles called atoms. Belief is everything.
The window of belief is only the window of knowledge, but washed and polished so that we can actually use it as a window. However the absence of the dirt reveals less of a view into reality, than it does the fact that the window was not very wide in the first place. You must press your cheek against the wall and put your mind’s eye to the window as you would when peeking through a keyhole. You must strain your mind’s eye to see anything through the window of belief.

The orphan could take the time to learn Latin, read the Bible, and ponder upon its’ meaning. In the process learning, organising thoughts, forming opinions, absorbing the thoughts and opinions of others. The knowledge has changed into understanding. Understanding is the sort of thing found in textbooks. It is the insight that allows you to learn a language, soak up a mathematical formula whilst seeing clearly how it works, what its’ purpose is. It is what comes from reading a book; picking up second hand thoughts and wrestling with them until they give up their meaning. When you have a body of beliefs built on other beliefs, with everything logically fitting together into one big picture, you have found understanding. It is a big window. It is the window that allows you to stand back and enjoy the view of reality with a relaxed eye, everything fitting together, seeming so beautiful, so amazing and incomprehensible, and yet able to be appreciated. It reveals reality as the most carefully constructed artwork. It is the big picture itself.

Wisdom however, cannot be inherited. It cannot be acquired from the outside world in the way that the other three can. The outside world may stimulate the discovery of wisdom by providing knowledge, understanding and belief, but in the end wisdom must come from within. It is pure thought leading to gems of insight that cannot be conveyed with words, only approximated; For to give word to wisdom is to transform it into knowledge, and this can never again become wisdom. Only two people who arrived at the same conclusion on their own can use words to communicate the wisdom they share while being confident that both understand exactly what it is that the other speaks of. It is thinking outside the box, it is realising that there is no box, it is questioning everything and anything until the questions become statements and those statements must themselves be questioned. It is where you can arrive at a deep understanding completely independently, only reading a book or seeking a respected opinion in order to confirm that wisdom which you already have. Wisdom is what forms your Identity. Certain kinds of wisdom are shared among many people, other kinds of wisdom are specific to individuals. Wisdom is the widest window through which we can see reality. It is a window so wide that you cannot see where the room of your mind ends and reality begins. It is so wide that you may doubt there is even a window at all, you can simply extend your hand, your whole body into the image before you and experience everything that reality has to offer. When gazing through the window of wisdom you no longer need to wrap your mind around reality: Reality wraps itself around you.

Alex Herlihy – 2010

Juxtaposition

Abandoned-manor-fireplace-marbled-fireplace-distressed-leather-armoirs[1].jpgThe fire burned as an uncontrollable inferno, with raging tongues of flame flying and jumping; leaping on top of each other in order to touch the roof of the fireplace, before falling back to the source and dying. Only to be reincarnated in the red heat of the furnace, and fight their way up again.

“Shall we begin?”

Locus continued gazing into the fire. It appeared to be a furious beast; a red monster, enraged at its’ imprisonment in a prison that would – if not for the rage it revelled in – be stone cold. Its’ murderous eyes locked their focus straight on those of Locus. Locus’ eyes reflected the flames; the fire flickering and mixing with his thoughts.

“You can spend your whole life getting ready”

Locus blinked and casually drew his face away from the fireplace, turning his head back to its’ natural, more comfortable position. The figure sitting opposite was barely visible in the firelight. The outline of a body sinking back in a chair could be discerned, and Locus could just make out half a smile curling at the edge of this strange person’s lips. Locus could see his own eyes reflected in those of the figure; revealing that the firelight continued to reside in them, despite his having turned away from the flames.
The half-smile adorning the shadowy face parted as it spoke for the third time.

“Still seeing red?”

Locus tilted his head and smiled back.

“Still seeing red.”

The fire – despite its’ intensity – was nearly silent, and while it burned bright, pouring out more light than the sun, the room remained shrouded in shadows. Shadows that extended further and further into the distance, slowly approaching pitch black before finally melting into pure darkness. And in turn, this darkness ran back, flowing and folding in on itself, becoming more and more incomprehensibly obfuscated until it had transformed into an absolute void. The little light the fire cast into the room was an oasis of warmth in a desert of darkness; an island of illumination in an ocean of shadow.
This flickering firelight revealed a strange scene. Two large armchairs were arranged before the fire. Their size would be reason enough to call them thrones, but there was a distinct modesty in how they had been built. Locus sat in one chair; facing the cryptic person who occupied the other.
Placed between them was an unremarkable square table: Wooden, with four rounded legs, one for each corner. Its’ surface had been raised to knee height. In the middle of this table was a chess board; the pieces arranged and waiting. They were all undefined in the low light, and both the little armies appeared to be of the same colour.
The only other object occupying the table was an unlit candle – placed on the side of the chessboard furthest from the fireplace.

The mysterious man’s mouth morphed from a smile to a void as dark as the room they were sitting in as he spoke once again.

“It’s been a long time Locus.”

Locus’ face projected an expression of amusement over the chess board. “What is time?”
He looked out at the void, gesturing with his arms and hands toward the darkness. “What place does time take in a place like this? In here, there is no time.”

His companion chuckled and shook his head.
“Oh if only you knew…”

There was a brief pause, and for a moment only the quietly flickering fire could be heard. The shadowy figure leaned back in his chair, his face fading further into the shadows.
“Do you know who I am?”

“Does anyone?” Locus thought to himself. “Many people have devoted their lives to understanding eternity. You are the only one to succeed”

“God?” guessed Locus. “Who else could you be? Why else would I see what I see in that fire?”

“I suppose you could put it like that” Spoke the shadows. “But you know the real answer”

“No, I don’t really know who you are any more. I don’t know if I ever did”

Two eyes briefly shone through the darkness, glinting and glittering like stars before quickly fading away.

“Do you remember my name?”

The man leaned forward in his chair and for the first time was fully visible in the glow of the firelight. He wore a caring smile that told of pure trust and honesty, but his eyes remained unfathomable.

“I know those eyes…” Locus frowned.
“Aeternitatis”

The man – still smiling – nodded. “Well, that’s a start”

The candle on the table suddenly ignited: Throwing light upon the chess board and dramatically increasing the contrast between the illumination and the shadows.
Crossing his arms, Aeternitatis leaned back and nodded at the chessboard. Locus followed the gesture and looked down, examining the chess pieces in the light. The side closest to him was red, the side closest to Aeternitatis, white.

“Shall we begin?” asked Aeternitatis once again.

“Of course” said Locus. “Your move”

Aeternitatis extended his arm forward, and made the move a million chess masters swear by; the same stereotypical move that opens every game of chess. The white pawn before the white king, moved two spaces forward.
Locus glanced at his opponent. Aeternitatis was sitting back in his chair again, his eyes sparkling above a familiar half smile.
“I know what you’re thinking.” thought Locus. He had to meet the white pawn with a red one. Accept the invitation. Make the standard response.
His face was expressionless as he brought his hand down to the chess board, and moved a red pawn two spaces forward.
Aeternitatis tilted his head to the side slightly and gazed at Locus in amusement.
“You did always like to defy convention”

Locus smiled silently in response and turned his attention to the candle.

The candle didn’t flicker like the fireplace. It burned steadily, inflating a sphere of soft light like a balloon, filling the room with warmth. There was something magical about it. He saw the image of a woman reflected in the flame.

She was sitting on the bed, her slender legs dangling over the side, her skin appearing as soft as the light. The red glow of the candle was just bright enough to reveal the bed, her beautiful body, and her long, wonderful hair.
He stepped into the light and stood there, looking towards her with eyes full of care, compassion and Love. She hadn’t noticed him yet.

“I need to know how you’re going before you’ve gone you know”

Her face lit up as she realised who it was.

Alex Herlihy – 2010 (Unfinished and slighty edited)

Dark Nostalgia

dark-dream-christiano-torres[1].jpg

Did you dream about me?
That’s all I am to most people now.
No address. No phone. No facebook.
Dimly remembered.
I recognise people from long long ago everyday and when they see me
It is strange strained stares that I draw. Stares that say
“Who are you?”
“How do I know you?”
“Why do I recognise you?”

I am dark nostalgia
Someone who sat before you and shared your torture,
Someone who knows how to speak your language,
Someone who remembers where you live, the bus you caught, the school you attended
Yet you still can’t quite place that presence of the past in the present.

And yet my face draws dazed recollections into your eyes
Your gaze swiftly averted
Fluttered heart breaking
You don’t remember me
The only explanation
You never knew me
The final answer
Did you dream…
One last hope –
About me?

Alex Herlihy – 2011

Darkness

little-church-001[1].jpgThis is the shirt I wore that night.
It was exactly a year ago, in a park I had visited only once before, to which I pursued a redhead.
In my frenzy I lost myself in the darkness, and clung to the only island of light, trusting the Christians to lead me home safely.

(Ironic how by turning from the light and following another redhead, that Westleigh park was not so dark.)

This is the first time I’ve worn this shirt since that night.
Because once again, I’m running into the heart of darkness.
But this time I don’t aim to find a redhead.
This time I hope to lose a shadow… beneath pure black.

So into the heart of darkness again,
To search for a long lost friend.
Let light fall, on the shadows
of the shadow that should be mine.

Alex Herlihy – 2009